Sunday, 15 March 2015

Adding detail

We are learning to add detail to our writing. This helps the reader make a picture in their head and feel like they are part of the story. Authors are always thinking about adding quality detail. 

Read some of the amazing pieces of writing the authors of Room 1617 have written.

Down at the sandy beach there's a special sandcastle. You know it is a special sandcastle because it is the only one that is red on the beach and if you touch the special paua shell you will teleport to a dark creepy forest and if you walk three steps east you will see a camouflage  button that you can only see with special goggles. When you push it you will teleport to the tree house. The tree is as big as a giant. It has giant swirly leaves too. All of the tree is dark brown and the leaves are a yellowish greenish colour. The canopy of the leaves covers the secret tree house. A zigzag staircase takes you up to the attic. In my tree house I play on my PS Vista and sometimes my friends come over and we play Monopoly, snakes and ladders and eat sausages and ice cream. Sometime the birds fly down and pick me up off my balcony and lift me up to the top of the trees to see the sunset. Do you wish you knew where my special sandcastle is? 

Author Zack

You will have to go through a freaky cave all the way to my tree house. you have to go across a river and you have to go through a forest and you have to go across another river and that is how you get to my tree house. My tree house is up on a big oak tree with twisty branches. My tree house is old and rusty. My tree house has spiders on it. It has old leaves and old wood and it looks like a monster tree house. It looks spooky inside and outside. I like to relax and listen to my music. I dance to the cool music because nobody can see me dance. My tree house is big no body can hear my music. No one knows I there.

Author Zephaniah

Deep in a creepy forest is an old tree that is really tall. Around a tall tree on the ground is soft silky grass that bunnies like to hop on. There is a magic staircase that comes down when you knock on the tree. I have a bird bowl at the side of my tree house. If you creep in my secret tree house without me knowing the tree will lift you up and toss you in a cage of lions and tigers. Only if the tree does not know you. I have a bucket in front of my tree house that holds my seashells from a nearby beach. My favourite thing to do in my tree house is read books because in real life I have read 52 chapter books and my favourite books are Flat Stanley books. Every afternoon I hurry to my tree house to watch the bunnies magically disappear into the bushes to have tea then I climb my staircase to have tea too. What would you do if you had a tree house as magical as mine? 

Author Christina

North four kilometers is my tree house, Over a big creaky wonky bridge and over a swervy creak is where you will find my tree house. The tree looks very bulgy and is covered with lots of leaves on its humongous  smooth old branches and the leaves glitter in the sun. It takes 14 people to hold hands to go around the tree! My tree house is almost 12km off the stony ground. My tree house has a garden, a resting area, a swing, and my tree house looks like a big tepee. My tree house is made from long sticks and big branches. You get in by a creaky ladder that sways in the wind. I have a code lock and my password is 156987. Sometimes I hear a mobile jingling or the roof making chattering sounds. I also have a bell if my code lock breaks. Sometimes I can sit on my leaves and water my garden! What I do in my tree house is feed all my pets. From the outside my tree house looks small but when you step inside it's way bigger than you think it is. In my tree house it is like a zoo because I have lots of animals! Only animals and me are allowed to go inot my tree house. Only day I would like to swing on the vines in the top of the tree. Would you like to swing on the vines with me? 

Author Louisa

North from my house in a deep dark forest is a tree that is so tall that it is touching the clouds. You can see it because it is so tall and the giant roots are digging deep down into the ground. There is a ladder to get in the tree house because it is in the tippy top of the tree. My tree house has a giant tyre swing under it. It is made out of branches and bamboo. My password is OPEN SEASAME or ZACK. The door is invisible. When you say the password it looks like it is going to fall on you. Suddenly my tree house teleported me to Frogland. I saw thousands of tadpoles and frogs swimming and hopping around. I caught tadpoles and frogs and took them back to my tree house. Have you ever got teleported anywhere? 

Author Dominic

My tree house is at the park in a tall tree. It has long branches. Kids always play on the tree but do not look up because the tree house is camouflaged. My tree house is called science tree house. It has pipe cameras looking at the forest. You can make potions inside and I did. I made a potion called shrinking potion. The potion can make everything smaller and bigger. My tree house is magical.

Author Gemma

You will have to go through a dark spooky cave and then you see a special tree with a special pond. I went knock knock and something secret will happen to me. My tree looks like a monster with sticking out branches for arms. The leaves look like monster fingers at the top of the tree there is a little tree house. I like to scoff some lollies in my mouth. The tree house has a secret room no one knows about it except me and I sleep on a lolly bed "Yum yum" I said to myself. Now I can eat all the lollies. "Aha" I said. At night I look out the windows to see the rabbits in the glowing sky running around playing games.

Author Jack W

In a dark spooky forest I spotted a tree with huge branches and a humongous trunk. You can find this forest only if you go to my Grandpa's house. You need to turn left then you need to go ... straight ahead until you get to a rusty gate that has a sign that says there is a magical tree house. There is tree house high in the air so I started to climb the tree then finally I got to the top. There is a magic password no one knows except me. The windows are all clean so I can have a sneaky peak out the window to make sure no one is going up the wobbly ladder. Girls are only allowed in the tree house no boys at all. You need to watch out because there are security cameras and if you get spotted from the security camera yuck and slimy snails will tip on you but not me because it is my tree house. It has love heart windows. My tree house is really colourful on the top. There are flowers but what kind of flowers? I know there are daisies and two toned coloured flowers that are pink, blue and orange. On the outside of the tree house is some security windows, Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I spotted animals dancing in my tree house. There was a lion a monkey and a slithery snake. I went to the give the monkey a banana. One day I might want to have a zoo  tree house with all the animals in the whole wide world but no cats or dogs but definitely dolphins. I will be surrounded by animals in my tree house. Would you like to come and visit me? 

Author Pinenga

1 comment:

  1. WOW Room 1617 - These stories are Fantastic!!!! Well done - Dom's Dad
    Saved the kiwi site...