Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Adding Detail To Our Writing

In our writing, we are are learning to add detail to help create a vivid picture for the reader. We have been creating stories about finding a mysterious egg.

Check out the adventures these authors have created............

Author Gemma

I was just wandering across a mountain path when I saw an egg. It had shiny grey scales . It was in a nest and it was made of green grass.It was in front of me. When I picked up the egg it began to crack and the shell made a bigger hole I saw a grey red eye in the big hole looking up at me.Carefully I moved the pieces of the eggshell ...until the creature BIT ME ouch! My finger was bleeding. The creature had long fluttering wings and the creature made a squeak. Who is this creature? I thought. I wondered if I could keep it so I found a shoe box and put some crunched up newspaper in the bottom and I caught the creature and snapped the lid on to the box. I kept the box beside my bed until the griffin grew too big and  broke my drawers. Now I had nowhere to hide him, oh no. Sadly I had to let him free in the rain forest.

Author James

One day me and my family were at Wingspan looking at the falcons and watching the falcons on display. The lady that took Ozzy for  his display said  that I could hold Ozzy because I was ducking while Ozzy  flew right over my head for 20 minutes so I held Ozzy. When I came back I saw a brown egg with brown feathers to keep it warm then ... crack crack crack two falcon like feet popped out of the egg and it started walking around but the rest of its body was still inside the egg.Eventually...
The rest of the egg came off ... Something brown came out of the egg with wings all curled up I said to dad, "Could this be a falcon or a harrier dad ?" and dad said "It's a falcon for you James" "I'll have to ask what food do falcons like to eat because I do not know what falcons like to eat". "What do baby falcons like to eat" "The baby falcons food is in the office" "Thank you for telling me". After that we went home with 9000000099 packs of falcon food in the boot for the baby falcon to eat. It sat on my shoulder and made a  hell of a noise. It is going a bit hard when the baby falcon grows up if we still live in town for it to catch live food. Would you like to have a falcon for a pet?
Author Bailee

One day I was jumping on the trampoline until  I spotted  something in the bush shimmering .I jumped off and went a little closer to see what it was. It was a middle sized egg with purple scales. It was stuck in the bush. It started to lift off the ground
then it cracked in one big line. Two tiny hands quickly popped out. They were odd hands then two legs then a mouth and nose popped out. It was odd looking. Suddenly a little head came out covered in with fur.Two wings slowly came out. It slowly
came to me and said “Muma” to me. It thought I was its mum so I picked it of the ground and ran to my room and got my pillow and put it on it. I carefully put it to sleep and I called it Molly.I wonder where Molly's real mum is?
Author Louisa
I was strolling through the jungle and in the corner of my eye I saw a big nest inside a long on a small hill. I went up to a nest the size of a small bowl and the nest was made of… sticks, grass, mud and feathers. Inside the small bowl sized nest was a small lumpy smooth egg. The lumps were light green and the rest was light purple. It was very shiny and clear to see.
As the sun went down I picked up the egg in a towel and put it inside a box with the log and the nest. In the morning I got up and looked at the egg but the egg was shaking. It rolled into a berry bush and started to crack then it cracked some more then the lid popped off and as fast as lightening it shot out! A little purple dragon came out! I put it inside the box and it hopped up and down.
I left to get the dragon some food like meat and water. I took the food back to her. Then I looked up on my computer some types of dragons and millions of dragon types came up. I scrolled down and up came a purple backed dragon with a light green tummy. I looked at my dragon, it did have a purple back and a light green tummy. It looked like the picture on the computer. I saved the website then went to look at the dragon. The dragon was gone! I went for a hike up the hill to look for her and up on a mountain in front of me what do you think I saw? Yes! The dragon! It had made a nest on the very top of the mountain. She had grown up a lot. I went to see her. I was so happy to see her I jumped onto her back then we flew off. I could hear and feel the wind blowing into my face and small birds were chirping. I was feeling excited because I had never been on a flying dragon before. After the flight we came back to the mountain and I said goodbye. She roared. I think she said farewell. Then I went home. Sometimes, if you look closely I am sure you can see the dragon hidden inside a log under some moss…..

When I was older I sometimes went up to see her but I could never find her on the mountain. In the night I sometimes see a shadow lurking by my window and hear sharp scratching claws with a voice saying, “Let me in, let me in.” I wonder if that lurking shadow by my window is that big purple and light green dragon?

Author Caitlin

Creek! I opened the cupboard to get my cup for my milo but WHOOSH! I was pulled into the cupboard. All of a sudden there was a thrash of a waterfall and I was no longer standing at the kitchen bench. I was standing in the middle of a bright cool forest. I thought it was a lovely place so I
decided to start exploring. I was about half way from the waterfall when I saw a twinkle of bright light up in a big oak tree. Wow! I thought it was a very nice day but if I looked carefully I might be able to find something awesome like a gold bar or a tiny magic leaf. But, if I want to find out I will have to carefully unwrap the twigs, leaves and vines. As I unwrapped the coat of vines and twigs to my surprise it revealed a golden egg that had beautiful blue stars all over it. As soon as I reached for the egg it rolled off the tree branch and landed on the ground. But it didn’t crack it was as if an invisible sponge was on the ground. One thing I didn’t think of was getting down the tree. In amazement I stared. I saw a vine. Speechless I swung down to the ground. Crack! I thought that I had stepped on the egg but I didn’t. The egg was just rolling about on the ground with a crack going right around the egg then another and another. POP! Something popped out of the egg. I looked around but there was nobody to be seen so I knelt down to the egg and listened carefully. There was a slight snuffling sound. POP! I jumped back. Thinking that I was imagining it  I saw a snout sticking out of the egg. I blinked a couple of times but guess what it was real. I wasn’t dreaming! Suddenly, a wolf cub shot out. It had two big blue eyes and was so cute I had to take it home. But I knew I shouldn’t. So I walked away but padder padder the cub was following me. Thinking I shouldn’t I grabbed my dressing grown that I just saw even though I was dressed then raced over to the cub and scooped it up in my dressing gown. I ran home to put this cub in my dolls house but whenever my mum is home alone I shut it in the dolls house. One month later, “Here’s your food Sparkle.” Whoops, I forgot to tell you that this cub eats sausages. Its name is Sparkle. What if I found another magical egg that would be funny wouldn’t it.

Author Erin
In the corner of my eye when  I was going for a walk I spotted a golden birds nest. In that nest there were 5 golden speckled eggs. The nest was hanging off a branch and was about to fall off but I carefully caught it but the nest started to break in my hands because it was made out of tiny twigs. I saved the bird nest and the golden speckled eggs from cracking. The nest was safe. “Oh no! I cried.” The eggs are wobbling and starting to crack. What am I going to do? I scooped up some brown crunchy leaves from the field to keep the eggs safe, warm and dry. Carefully, I made a nest. Gently, I put the eggs into the nest and left them to hatch. The next day, I visited the nest and surprise there were golden baby ostriches that were trying to stand up but their legs were not strong enough. So, I pretended to be their mother ostrich and helped the babies learn how to walk. Then, they started to follow me around. Dad and I built an enclosure in our backyard for the ostriches to live in. We made a zoo and people paid to hold them and see them playing and eating. Sometimes, we put music on for the ostriches to dance too. Have you ever seen an ostrich dance before?
Author Zack
On a hot summers day me and my brother were playing rugby outside when I stumbled over a large bright blue striped oval shaped object. I stood up and slowly peered at it as I moved the tall grass aside. The object was in a hole that my dog had dug. As soon as all the bright green grass was gone the oval object disappeared. Then, my brother shouted out, “There!” We saw that it had mysteriously disappeared then reappeared on the other side of my backyard. We sprinted to it. Slowly, I started to hear a … CRACK!! The thick smooth object started to fall apart. “What’s that? Oh, the oval thing is an egg.” The lid of the egg popped off. Carefully, I stared into the egg. Looking up at me were two white eyes. I reached in and pulled out a mini cute pink pig. He looked at me and said, “Daddy.” I was so surprised that he could talk. I said, “I’m going to name you Pickles.” I took him into my house and hid him under my bed in a little box that I had created. Every day, I took it food. After a couple of months he was all grown up and was too big for me to hide under my bed. So, I said to Pickles, “You are big enough to take care of yourself and who knows you might find your parents.” The next day, when I was going to school I sneaked him out and released him into the wild. Every day when I got home from school I would run into my room and look at part of his egg. It made me remember when we first met. I have never forgotten about Pickles.
Author Emily
Woo Woo. The wind was blowing. I marched into the forest. I saw a mountain. Out of the corner of my eye  I glimpsed an egg on the mountain. Oh no the wind blew the egg down. A scaly, rainbow spotted egg was rolling down the mountain. I wanted to catch it but if I do it won’t hatch. I ran to the tall blades of grass where the egg stopped. I saw a paper think crack on the very top of the egg. Suddenly, boom the egg exploded and something silver came out. It has skinny legs and it went squeak squeak. It kept following me flapping its wings. It flew on my head. I said, “Stay there while I make you a metal mansion.” When I was finished building the mansion I went to the meadow to go to my house. The creature followed me to my house in the meadow. “It’s a silver themed dragon,” I shouted. Drip drop the rain bounced on the dragon. Suddenly, he burst into flames to keep himself warm. I asked my mum if I could keep the dragon. Mum said, “Yes you can.” Then, Dad came out with lemonade. He said, “Darling, who is this?” Mum told him it was Emily’s new pet. Her name is Ecra. I hope Mum doesn’t change her mind but if she does I will say, “Mum, can I have a puppy?”

Author Marcus
Far far away in a forest beside a beach as I was building a giant sandcastle CRASH! one wall knocked down and…. I spotted something incredible. I wondered what is that strange thing? I crept to see what it was but my brother pulled me and whispered, “Marcus, stay in the castle it might be dangerous.” But, I didn’t listen so I crept closer and closer. I could see some bright white at the tippy top of the object. I was excited and I dug down to see what the rest of it was. It was striped white and violet about the size of a babies head. It wiggled a bit then stopped…. “Uhhh ohhhh!” Suddenly, a crack appeared right down through the middle quite fast and then out tumbled a mini bird and …. It turned into a Pegasus. My mum said, “That Pegasus is a flying unicorn.” I fed it, played with it and it just grew and grew and grew until it was old enough to look after me. It grew into the Queen Pegasus. Is it magical?

No comments:

Post a Comment